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When I was at school...

 

if one of us had had some
bad news or was a bit down...

 

we used to stroke each other.

 

You know, someone would do one arm
and someone else the other.

 

It's a wonderful sensation.
Did you do that at your school?

 

No.

 

It's incredibly relaxing.

 

For the giver and the receiver.

 

Close your eyes. No, no, really.

 

It doesn't work if you don't.

 

- There's a good girl.
- I think that's enough.

 

- No. Close your eyes.
- No. I really think that's enough, Barbara.

 

There's someone in your garden!
He came over the wall.

 

Oh, it's probablyjust
the neighbor's boy, lost his football.

 

No, he's going into the summerhouse.
Quick! Call the police!

 

It's just a kid from next door, Barbara.
Forget it.

 

Where are you? I've been dreaming
about your hot, sweet cunt all morning.

 

Hello?

 

Hello?

 

Richard's on his way home.
No, I can't. No, I can't. I'll call you.

 

Barbara! Barbara,
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

 

Oh, I'm so sorry.
Bar, please.

 

I tried to end it, honestly.
I just couldn't.

 

I risked everything for you!
And in return, you humiliate me!

 

No, I didn't mean to upset you, Bar. Please.
I need your help more than ever.

 

- Please don't go like this.
- You promised to end it. Why didn't you?

 

- Because I...
- What? You're in love?

 

And the child? Do you imagine
he reciprocates your soppy feelings?

 

Oh, I daresay he's fascinated
by the neurotic compulsions...

 

of a middle-class lady
with marital problems.

 

There's nothing crueler
than the adolescent boy.

 

I know them. Once he's had his fill,
he'll discard you like an old rag.

 

You're not young!

 

I say this to help you.
End it now.

 

- Yeah. I'm thinking.
- Don't think. Do.

 

Do, do, do, do!

 

Or shall I just sit here doing my nails
till your husband returns?

 

- No, no. Please. Please. I'll do it.
- What are you waiting for?

 

Mr. Connolly.
I'm Mrs. Hart.

 

From St. George's.
Steven's not in trouble.

 

I just need to talk to him
about an art project...

 

- Oh, yeah. Come in. Come in.
- Thank you.

 

It's just upstairs there.

 

It's very good of you
to give him the extra lessons.

 

It's the first door on the left.
It's probably best to knock.

 

So that's your vicious father?

 

You wanted a sob story.
I gave it to you.

 

- Made you feel like Bob Geldof.
- You lied to me!

 

Sorry, miss. What?
Do you prefer it if I live in a shithole?

 

- And your mother?
- I think she's gonna pull through.

 

What do you want?
What are you doing here?

 

They're gonna expel me now!

 

No, they won't.
I'll get the blame if she tells.

 

As if she won't.

 

She likes me.
She might not.

 

Likes you how? Like that?
You giving her one and all?

 

Why are you being so cruel?
Why, Steven?

 

I really like you.
You're a nice person.

 

And you've been cool,
and it's been great. Okay?

 

But it was supposed to be fun,
and now it's a serious thing.

 

Whatever shit
you're working out...

 

you know, your husband,
your kid, you...

 

I don't know.
I can't help you.

 

As my mother would have said,
the boy done her like a kipper.

 

She has nowhere to turn
but trusty old Bar.

 

She mopes and mourns
for her pubescent paramour...

 

but she knows my interventions
have saved her life.

 

And she is sweetly grateful.

 

Her betrayal hurt me
more than I dare show.

 

But I will forgive her
and heal myself in private.

 

She's worth it, this one.

 

She's the one I've waited for.

 

She's beginning to understand
that her dalliance with Master Connolly...

 

was a consequence
of her dead marriage.

 

It's a sham, fueled only
by the memory of former glories.

 

I mean, the wonderful
thing about Polly...

 

Whereas we are
going through the fire...

 

forging our friendship
with a stronger bond each day.

 

In fact, we are now entering...

 

a delicate new phase.

 

We are silently and stealthily...

 

negotiating the terms
of a life lived together.

 

Now more than ever...

 

we are bound
by the secrets we share.

 

I'm invited to drop in
on them this summer...

 

at their house in the Dordogne.

 

I might just do that.

 

I once sat here
discussing Elgar for three hours.

 

- God. Who with?
- Oh, just a friend.

 

Jennifer.
This was our haunt.

 

We were quite chummy
for a while, but...

 

poor thing,
she suffered from a terrible depression.

 

I tried to help, but she rather unraveled.

 

She became alarmingly deluded.

 

Did she go to hospital?

 

No. No, she got a job in Stoke.

 

- When was this?
- Last summer.

 

Though I feel
I should have done more.

 

I'm sure she knows
you did your best.

 

- Such a sensitive person.
- One conceals it, of course.

 

People languish for years with partners
who are clearly from another planet.

 

We want so much to believe
that we've found our other.

 

Takes courage to recognize the real
as opposed to the convenient.

 

When I was young,
I had such a vision of myself.

 

I dreamt I'd be someone to be reckoned with,
you know, in the world.

 

But one learns one's scale.

 

I've such a dread of ending my days alone.

 

Yes. I... We all do.

 

But recently I've allowed myself
to think that I may not be.

 

Am I wrong?

 

No. No. No.

 

Do you want to stay?

 

Sometimes people find it
comforting to see them at peace.

 

Would you like to come back
in 20 minutes to say good-bye?

 

Have you got your seat belt on, darling?

 

- Oh, no. What the fuck?
- Oh, God! Not her!

 

- For goodness' sake, shut up.
- Mum, don't get out of the car.

 

Is it Portia? Oh, no.

 

I've got to go back
to the vet's after it's done.

 

Will you come with me?
I just can't on my own.

 

Of course I would.
It's just that...

 

- Ben's doing his play at his school.
- Play?

 

- We're all going. We're a bit late actually.
- Hurry up, Mum!

 

- Someone has died!
- I... I know.

 

- Mum!
- And it's terribly sad.

 

- You owe me this.
- Come on.

 

Ben, can't you make her vanish?
Use your wand or something.

 

He's doing a show
for the first time in his life.

 

That's your choice, is it?

 

Mum!

 

Why don't you come?
You'd be very welcome.

 

I thought you understood
what friendship means.

 

He's my child. He's my son.

 

- He's just a little boy.
- Don't play the good mother with me.

 

Excuse me. Could one of you
tell me what's going on?

 

- Is this some kind of coven?
- I can explain perfectly. Would you like me to?

 

No. It's just that Barbara's had
some very bad news about her cat.

 

My condolences. Poor, poor pussy.
Can I have my wife back, please?

 

- I don't like your tone.
- Why is she always here?

 

What kind of fucking spell
has she cast on you?

 

Ben is getting really stressed.
I think he's gonna blow.

 

Oh, for God's sake.
Get in the bloody car!

 

Give me a minute, will you?
I can handle this!

 

Oh, I'm to be handled, am I?
Like toxic waste.

 

You see me on sufferance.
I'm an imposition, to be tolerated.

 

No. Of course not.

 

I love our time together.
I'm your good, good friend.

 

Then stay with me.

 

I would if I could.
I'm desperately sorry about Portia -

 

- but you can see I have to go.
- Think very carefully, madam.

 

- Be aware of the consequences.
- Please don't make this mean more than it is.

 

Stay with me.

 

- I don't know what I'll do.
- Let's go!

 

- Look, I'll call you. I promise.
- Come on!

 

They always let you down in the end.

 

Jennifer said I was too intense.

 

Meaning what exactly?
That I'm loyal in my friendships?

 

That I will go to the ends of the earth
for someone I admire?

 

Shazam!

 

Whoo!

 

Not disturbing you, am I?

 

It's just, uh...

 

I need to talk to you
about Mrs. Hart.

 

Sheba

 

It's a bit delicate.
Can I come in?

 

- Tea?
- Oh, lovely. Thanks.

 

You haven't got a biscuit?

 

Cheers.

 

Would you like me to take your hat?

 

Ah. Been up the Lane.

 

White Hart Lane.
Home of the mighty Spurs.

 

- Were you victorious?
- 3-nil.

 

Jermain Defoe.
Get in there.

 

My father was a supporter
of Charlton Athletic.

 

Never seemed to give him
any pleasure.

 

Where's the moggy?

 

She's dead.

 

Oh, dear.

 

Oh, my condolences.

 

Oh, is this not a good time?

 

It's a very good time.

 

Mrs. Hart.

 

Yeah.

 

Um, it's just...

 

Anything you tell me
will be in strictest confidence.

 

Well, the thing is...

 

I was wondering if she's, um...

 

ever mentioned me?

 

Does she ever mention me?

 

Let me think.

 

No, never.
Actually, yes.

 

She mentioned you'd invested in a new shirt.
I think it was last term.

 

Lashed out at Nicole Farhi.

 

The thing is,
over the last few months... well...

 

ever since I met her
really, I... I've...

 

Brian, are you in love?

 

I've been a bit
bloody obvious, haven't I?

 

You've been utterly clandestine.

 

So she mentioned the shirt then?

 

- You do know she's married?
- Yeah, but she's quite flirty...

 

and you never know
with people, do you?

 

- Indeed you don't.
- But...

 

I wouldn't want to make a move
if I'm just gonna get knocked back.

 

What with staff politics
and the head being such a stickler...

 

- you have to be really careful these days.
- It's a minefield.

 

So, would...

 

I mean...

 

do you think you could
have a word with her...

 

and just suss the lie of the land?

 

You'd like me to ask Mrs. Hart...

 

if she's inclined
to commit adultery with you?

 

I don't want you to suffer
more than is necessary.

 

No one should.

 

I couldn't possibly
speak for Mrs. Hart, but...

 

instinct tells me...

 

you might not be her type.

 

She's got a type then?

 

Oh, it's no reflection
on your attractiveness.

 

But my impression is
that her preference is for the younger man.

 

Surprisingly young.

 

Boys, I'm told.

 

Naturally, she doesn't
discuss any of this with me.

 

But I've been hearing some rather
alarming rumors about one in particular.

 

Playground gossip,
staff room whispers and so on.

 

You might know the boy in question.

 

Um...

 

Steven Connolly.

 

Year 10?

 

I think the kettle's boiled.

 

You say the words, and it's done.

 

- Easy.
- Night, darling.

 

Judas had the grace to hang himself.

 

But only according to Matthew...

 

the most sentimental
of the Apostles.

 

Is this the last night
of her old life?

 

I wonder how long
my messenger will take.

 

Thank you.

 

People like Sheba think they know
what it is to be lonely.

 

But of the drip, drip...

 

of long-haul,
no-end-in-sight solitude...

 

they know nothing.

 

What it's like to construct an entire weekend
around a visit to the launderette...

 

or to be so chronically untouched...

 

that the accidental brush
of a bus conductor's hand...

 

sends a jolt of longing...

 

straight to your groin.

 

Of this...

 

Sheba and her like...

 

have no clue.

 

Bar, I'm so sorry about today.

 

It was an impossible situation.

 

Richard's really sorry too.

 

Poor you.

 

But... Look, why don't you
come for supper?

 

Actually, I write quite quickly.

 

It's the thinking
that takes an eternity.

 

Well, you're never satisfied.

 

When you're lecturing,
you long for time to write...

 

and when you've got it,
you yearn to be back with your students.

 

- More coffee, anyone?
- I'll have a slug. Thanks.

 

Barbara?

 

Uh, no, thank you.

 

Yes?

 

- Are you her husband?
- What? Whose?

 

- Don't you dick with me, mister.
- Sorry.

 

- Don't dick me around. Where is she?
- I don't...

 

Tell her Steven Connolly's mother
wants to see her right now!

 

Excuse me!

 

- Slut!
- Maggie!

 

Whore! Whore! How could you?

 

- Maggie! Maggie!
- How could you? He's only a child!

 

A sweet boy!
He's a child!

 

- What the hell is going on?
- You ask your wife what's going on!

 

- Ask her! You perverted... bitch! Bitch!
- Maggie!

 

- Come on. Leave it. Come on.
- Get off me.

 

- Leave them alone.
- Bitch!

 

- Leave them alone, Maggie.
- You fucking...

 

Leave them alone, eh?

 

There's nothing for us here.

 

It happened.
It just happened.

 

Things don't...
People make things happen.

 

Do you think you're the only one
who's ever wanted someone who's young?

 

Everyone sometime... Everyone thinks ab...
But they... deal with it!

 

By the time I took my seat in the gods...

 

the opera was well into
its final act.

 

- You're his teacher!
- And you were mine!

 

But I'm not justifying!

 

- I'm not trying to justify it!
- You are so full of shit!

 

- I am just saying...
- It's totally different!

 

- You were 20!
- Well, he's 16 in May.

 

- He's not some innocent.
- Of course he's innocent!

 

He's fucking 15!

 

Are you insane?

 

If you... If you meant to destroy us,
why not do it with an adult?

 

That's the convention.
It's worked for centuries.

 

It wasn't about us. It...

 

- Why?
- I just wanted him.

 

Why?

 

- I don't know!
- Well, find out!

 

- Sheba?
- Yeah.

 

- And... No.
- Connolly. Yes. Yes. Honestly.

 

My guilt is tempered with relief.

 

She assumes the boy cracked
and told his mother all.

 

Who am I to disabuse her?

 

Oh, Brian. Brian.

 

Brian. Brian,
do stop a minute, please.

 

Today St. George's School
is a solemn place.

 

A source close to the school
has indicated that another member of staff...

 

may have known of the relationship.

 

This, however, is categorically denied
by the local authority.

 

I've told you, Headmaster, had I known
anything, I would've informed you immediately.

 

My only loyalty is to the school.

 

- Brian thinks you've known for months.
- Brian "thinks"?

 

- And then there is Sue Hodge.
- Will you be running through the entire staff room?

 

If you knew and turned a blind eye,
you have enabled a crime.

 

I didn't, so I haven't.
Your point?

 

You're due for retirement next year.
I think it would benefit everyone...

 

if you take it early,
with immediate effect.

 

So it's a witch hunt.
Salem comes to Islington.

 

The stress of the job, you know. Radical
new ideas in teaching not to your taste.

 

Well, I've got a radical idea. Your school,
your disaster. Why don't you resign?

 

Because I am not
the confidante of a criminal!

 

Now, tell me about
your friendship with Mrs. Hart.

 

I think you'll find that a close friendship
between consenting adults is perfectly legal...

 

even under your regime.

 

My record here is beyond reproach.

 

The majority of the staff
regard me as a moral guardian.

 

I've just spoken to
an ex-member of our staff.

 

Another of your close friends.

 

Jennifer Dodd.

 

As you are aware,
Jennifer became unwell.

 

That's why she had to
leave the school.

 

Jennifer threatened you with
a restraining order, didn't she?

 

A fax from her solicitor.
She didn't want you within 500 yards of her...

 

by law!

 

You call that a friendship?

 

She told me that
you sent her fiancé a wreath.

 

Now, we wouldn't want all this
to come out, would we?

 

A lifetime of...
of dedicated service...

 

ending in shame and humiliation?

 

It's your choice, Barbara.

 

He knows it was me. Does she know too?

 

More than I can bear.

 

Is that why she's
not returned my calls?

 

Miss Covett!

 

Barbara, have you
spoken to Sheba Hart yet?

 

When's she coming out?

 

Barbara, tell us why you're friends with...

 

Miss Covett, did you teach the boy at all?

 

Barbara, how is Sheba's
husband taking all this?

 

Barbarians.

 

Sorry about your job.

 

You see, the headmaster
thought I knew.

 

- Did you?
- No.

 

- When's she coming out?
- Come on out, Sheba!

 

Where is she?

 

In her lair.

 

Your boyfriend is younger than mine!

 

- He's not my boyfriend.
- You slept with a child!

 

Oh, Jesus wept!

 

The specter at the feast!

 

- You watch your tongue, madam.
- Frigging freak!

 

There, there.

 

Thanks for coming.

 

I'm so sorry about school.

 

Was he... Thank you.
Was he awful to you?

 

Listen. You could say no...
I... I'd completely understand...

 

but Richard...

 

He needs some time alone.

 

He's asked me to leave.

 

Can I come stay with you
just for a few days?

 

You're welcome
for as long as you like.

 

When's she coming out?

 

Are you the chauffeur, Barbara?

 

- When's she coming out?
- Is Ben at school?

 

Barbara, don't be shy, love!
You gotta come out sometime!

 

Does he know what's happening?

 

It's really none of your business.

 

What about the kids?

 

How's her husband?

 

Is he going to divorce her?

 

Come on, Sheba! Make my day!

 

There she is!

 

How's the family coping, Barbara?

 

Is he going to divorce her?

 

- What about the kids?
- Come on out, Sheba!

 

- I've got a mortgage to pay!
- I knew who you were when we met.

 

You were young. I knew it
might get tough, but I was prepared.

 

When is she coming out?

 

You're a good mother,
but at times you've been a fucking lousy wife.

 

Why didn't you come to me?

 

You could have told me
how lonely you were.

 

You never trusted me to help you.

 

I'm not saying
I was so fucking fabulous...

 

but I was here.

 

Come on out, Sheba.

 

Sheba?

 

There she is! There she is!

 

This last month
has been the most delicious time of my life.

 

Of course,
we've had our ups and downs.

 

The pressure is intense
when two women share their lives.

 

But, oh, what marvelous
intensity it is.

 

Look! It's the crone!

 

Barbara.

 

Barbara! Barbara!
Is it true you're a white witch?

 

Barbara, is Sheba coming out?

 

Circumstances are not always ideal.

 

The swinish press.

 

The stringent bail terms.

 

Meetings with lawyers and so on.

 

But all things considered,
we're coping admirably.

 

In fact, gold stars abundant.

 

The cuckold...

 

permits her to see their children once a week.

 

There are usually tears...

 

and fits of teenage tantrums too.

 

In time, she'll recognize she's
just not the mothering kind.

 

And then Barbara will be there
to comfort her.

 

Nurse, beloved friend
and wise counsel.

 

The crone returneth!

 

Barbara, were you pushed, or did you jump?

 

And if you jumped, was it into a dike?

 

Is Sheba still alive?
What have you done with her?

 

How's the family coping, Barbara?

 

Barbara! Barbara!

 

Sheba?

 

What you say about me...

 

about... Richard...

 

You're not fit to shine his shoes.

 

And Ben and...

 

Polly.

 

That I'd be happier without them?

 

Why did you do it?

 

Because I didn't help you collect your cat?

 

You've cost me my family!

 

No! Look!
Take some responsibility!

 

I gave you exactly what you wanted.

 

You'd still be stuck in
that marriage without me.

 

- You can't accept it yet, but...
- You think I wanted to be here with you?

 

- You need me. I'm your friend.
- You've put me in prison.

 

- I could get two years.
- They'll fly by.

 

I'll visit you every week.
We've so much life to live together.

 

You think this is a love affair?
A relationship?

 

What? Sticky gold stars and a...
and a... and a strand of my hair?

 

- No.
- And a receipt from Pizza Express?

 

It's a flat in the Archway Road...

 

and you think you're
Virginia frigging Woolf!

 

And where did you get my hair?
Did you pluck it from the bath...

 

with some special fucking tweezers?

 

Don't you know it's rude to
read a person's diary? It's private!

 

We're not friends.
You don't even like me.

 

That's not true. I only have
tender feelings for you, only love!

 

No! No!

 

You're barking fucking mad.
You don't know how to love.

 

You've never your whole life.

 

Me. Jennifer Dodd.

 

You're nothing but waste
and disappointment.

 

You bitter old virgin!

 

You're lonely for a reason.
They loathed you at school... all of them.

 

I was the idiot who bothered. But only because
no one told me you're a fucking vampire!

 

So what is it, Bar? You want to
roll around the floor like lovers?

 

You want to fuck me, Barbara?

 

- Please don't diminish our...
- Our what?

 

- What?
- No. Give it back.

 

I... I know you.

 

Selfish and vain.
You think you have a divine right.

 

You don't belong in the world.
You belong here! You big baby!

 

Here I am!

 

Here I am!

 

Okay. Get back.

 

Go back.

 

We never invited you
to the fucking Dordogne.

 

I'm sorry, but you specifically said if I
happened to be in France, I should drop in.

 

We didn't mean it.

 

Well, fine.

 

I won't come then.

 

I asked you to lunch
because I liked you.

 

I would've been your friend.

 

I need more than a friend.

 

I knew her.

 

Sorry?

 

I knew her.

 

Really?

 

We taught at the same school.

 

God. What was she like?

 

A bit...

 

chilly.

 

A touch furtive.

 

A sort of absent person.

 

Oh, but I didn't
know her well. May I?

 

- Do you still teach?
- No, no.

 

Retired.

 

Thank goodness.

 

You've...

 

Here.

 

Thanks.

 

I love it here.

 

It's spectacular at dusk.

 

I'm Barbara.

 

Annabel.

 

I wonder, Annabel.

 

- Do you like music?
- Oh. Yes.

 

Uh, it's just that
I've got tickets...

 

for Handel's Water Music
at the Albert Hall.

 

On Saturday night.

 

You could bring a friend
if there's, uh, someone...

 

Oh, no. Oh, no.
There isn't.

 

Well, there we are.